Tis Spring, and my allergies and sinuses are combining for a double-whammy. Nine out of the last ten days, I have woken up with a headache. Which means that nine out of the last ten days, I would have called into a job sick, because I never know early in the morning whether this is the one that will clear up a little or not.
There have been days where, by late afternoon, I feel up to doing a little work. But in a "real job" with 8:30 to 5 office hours, by the time I'd decide I could do a little work, and get over there on the bus, it would be the end of the business day.
Yet, despite having this explained to him time and again, the Disability judge stubbornly persists in believing that someone would be willing to offer me permanent employment, no matter how many sick days I take in winter and spring.
Or that my symptoms would all go away if I got a job. Except that when I started my own business, my symptoms did not go away just because I had work to occupy my mind -- I did exactly what was recommended to me: focused my thoughts on my work instead of my health, and lost clients every winter and spring because getting out of bed and sitting at a desk and trying to work just made the symptoms worse. As the symptoms got worse, it got harder to concentrate on the work in front of me. The pain would reach a point that I couldn't even SEE the work in front of me.
But my testimony that I have tried to work and had major problems with it was never considered as valid as the judge's speculation that there's an employer with unlimited sick leave who would tolerate all my symptoms and, essentially, pay me for showing up without requiring any actual work.
If you know such an employer, give them my resume'. I'll show up when I can, leave when I need to, and do a little work now and then. On their part, they have to guarantee not to fire me for excessive absenteeism, sleeping at my desk, or the quality/quantity of my work.
It's nearly noon, and I still don't have it in me to work. When I tried to proofread this blog post, my headache got worse. I can type with my eyes closed, but I can't proofread that way.
And so, although I was hoping to get some work done today, I'm going back to bed until the headache lets up enough to do something without making it worse.